fantastic that you should find yourself here. im here, you're here. please feel free to 'perooze' this here stuff. its full of fantat. check it out. and i hope afterwards, you realize, that, ive touched you deep in your heart. and that ive touched your moms, deep in their pants.

12.29.2004

ill start with smokes, to get cool

i hope that christmas is happy in your hearts. here is my present to you all.

last night i had the pleasure of being invite to some friends' house. to watch his christmas tree lose its needles, watch some tv, watch some movie, and drink some pop. and this we did. knowing of the secret sci-fi fantasies that live deep within my secrets, my friend pointed out the movie marathon they had on a particular science fiction channel. my eyes lit up and were subject to the bad special effects, acting and story that is Lost In Space, the most recent production of it.

throughout the years that hollywood and movie production have been around, one thing has remained a constant. no matter how good the movie is, no matter how good the action, acting, special effects, underlying plot twists, character and story development are - some faggot kid is going to do something to ruin it.

in the case of Lost In Space, the son of the captain teaches a robot to understand friendship and love, in a matter of on screen seconds. first of all, thats impossible because robots dont even like people to begin with, and secondly who would like a retard kid like that in the first place.

look around you, look at the movies on the shelf. how many of these would-be good films were ruined, toileted because some director thought he would appeal to the younger crowd or the paternal sides of people.

'yeah that movie was so awesome. it was so cool how that kid saved the place from being blown up. who woulda thought that the kid would talk the terrorists down.'

i sick of kids saving shit.

here is a little script i wrote that would be a better ending to these sorts of films. the original ending would be this. the child finds his real dad with the help of his adopted dad. but the real one is the criminal that the adopting dad has been chasing for years. the real dad is a wanted international terrorist. and now there is a standoff between the two fathers. gun to gun. the child, crying, manages to talk his real dad out of killing his adopted dad, and then there is mild crying on the real dads part and they walk off hand-in-hand, into the sunset.

here is the modified version.

Real Dad: so thomas, you finally found me.
Adopted Dad: yes, and now we must fight to the death.
Child: Dad, its me, your real son. i finally found you.
RD: son? it cant be.
AD: its true, he is your son. but i raised him like he was my own.

as child runs up to his real dad, he trips on a rock and falls. real dad uses this as a prime opportunity to gain the upper hand. he shoots the gun out of adopted dads hand. child gets up and sees what has happened. he stands between them now. real dad stands about15 feet from adopted dad and has his gun leveled with adopted dads forehead. he cocks the hammer. the child screams out and is silenced by the bullet that blows his face off. then the head of adopted dad suddenly disappears into a fine red mist, and some pulpy mess.


note to directors: no ones likes it when kids save the day. kids should only be in movies as A) car accident victims. B) sweatshop workers. C) test subjects for various mutant-drug projects.

the only cool kids in movies EVER. were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles in my homeland.