fantastic that you should find yourself here. im here, you're here. please feel free to 'perooze' this here stuff. its full of fantat. check it out. and i hope afterwards, you realize, that, ive touched you deep in your heart. and that ive touched your moms, deep in their pants.

2.15.2005

vampires? vanpiles? piles of vans?

it was once said, that all stupidity comes from within. and that said stupidity will explode many people into many bits. i wait for said explosions.

it has been quite the while. there have been many adventures of late, and many of these adventures involve a desk, a headset, and complaining customers. nothing to shake a stick at, or stab a stick at. but i suppose that these adventures have made me the person that i am today. a person-hating person. however, not unjustly so. there are much people that deserve dislike and much fires should be put on them.

we'll start with the most recent.

it was a quiet evening in my abode. music was gently playing, the cat was running from place to place, the toilet was clean and the warm smells of cooking we abound. i turned on the tele-boxatron and was so suddenly facially raped by the utter wet-trash that came from the glowing glass. what are these black peas with eyes? what are they i say? the make noise of obscene natures and they jump around as if possible mates are in the vicinity. sorry people, that is not dancing. how many times can i 'get retarded in here'? or 'get it started in here'? i think its time for a new song peas. who signed these people? what pushed them to do it? was and is it some part of a larger scheme? a scheme of world domination. those who signed them wish to rule the world, but first, they must annoy the population into submission. thats it. and now that we know their plan, we can thwart it with all the might of thor's hammer.

second.

as four pm strolls around the clock face, you decide, hey, its been a while, let me sit at the telee, and watch a good ol' afterschool special. you know, the ones where little girls and little boys are taught the difference between good and bad vegetables, good and bad touching, good and bad audio equipment. so you get your gelatin snack all ready and you sit yourself in the corner of your couch. curled up, with your ninja turtles blankie. you flick it over to the write channel, with full expectations of seeing your typical white, suburban family backing out of their driveway in their white SUV etc etc. but no. instead, you're treated to a woman, who brings you the story of two little siamese babies, and they're harrowing adventure through many woods to make it to the only doctor in all of the lands. something like that. accompanying that tale, the host also brings you exclusive interviews, with our hottest celebrities. from the intensity of it, it would seem that this woman-host created these celebrities and did the surgeries on the glued-babies. but no, oprah winfrey did none of these things. in fact all she does do is, be annoying, act like she's the queen of entertainment and shake her triceps at us. granted she does do nice things for charity. but she finds it necessary to tell the world about it, and every other detail of her fabulous life. oprah=boring. if you love her, well then im sorry. but many fires need to be put on all of you.


and finally today.

why do people worship celebrities? it was being on the telee, that jay leno show. and the magic dana carvey come upon the stage. there was the obligatory clapping, which at this point is much more than standard. but then he decided to do some push ups. why, i dont know. but whatever. at this point, the crowd erupted into appluase and whistles and woos. why? why would that warrant a better reaction? it was four push ups. does that show you that he has become amazingly fit? has he overcome some terrible malady? no. we much stop the madness. there are people who have dedicated their entire careers to the celebration of celebrities. how sad is that? why dont people celebrate mailmen? or the outsourced-to-india-computer-tech-support-representative?

it seems there will never be a shortage of things that suck. salut.

1 Comments:

Blogger Jonny Opinion said...

It seems that you are a high quality person who deserves a blog far more than most.

3:02 PM

 

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